Opening Old Wounds
by JENTWCSINYFAN2
Summary: The team has a case where a petty officer died in a similar manner to Tony's mom. It opens old wounds and brings up old feelings that he has buried for a long time and maybe needs help dealing with. has this idea recently . thanks dustyiger for the spark.. If there are Tony and Ziva moments and this offends anyone I am sorry . Someone reviewed and said they wanted a warning .
1. Chapter 1

Opening Old Wounds: Tony fic

Authors note : The team has a case where there is a petty officer who dies but she is found in a similar manner to the way that Tony's mom did so old memories and feelings resurface that he hasn't dealt with. Had this just pop into my head and don't know if anyone ever used the idea . Thanks dustytiger for the listening .

It was a normal routine Tuesday morning. "Grab your gear, we got a dead petty officer who didn't show up to board her ship this morning." Gibbs said as the team was sipping their coffee and getting reayd to start their day .

Tony said "I hate these first thing in the morning crime scenes, they are never a good omen for how the day is going to go."

Ziva replied" What is the matter, did you not get enough beauty sleep last night Tony?"

Mcgee chuckled. "Nice. "

Tony said "I slept just fine Ziva, got a new mattress that feels just like a cloud ."

Gibbs said " Maybe we could think about why our petty officer didn't wake up this morning on the way to the case instead of Dinozzo's bedroom for a few minutes huh?"

Forty minutes later: The team entered her apartment and saw that it was neat and painted brightly blue. Tony said " Looks pretty cheery in here." He started to look around the living room. "Nice couch, hmm she liked James Bond movies. Different for a woman."

Ziva said " That is right you think we are all into how do you say it chick flicks?"

Tony said "Pirates of the Caribbean I rest my case Ms. David."

Gibbs said" You two mind less yabba yabba and maybe coming in here to look at the crime scene sometime today?"

Tony nodded. "On it boss." He went into the room first and saw the petty officer laying on her left side with an opened bottle of red wine and some sleeping pills on the nightstand. He looked at her and said "Uh boss I need a minute I'll be out in the hall, ok."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "Ok finish the apartment."

Tony said " On it."

Mcgee said " This is Petty Officer First Class Renee Thomas. She was to leave today on a six month tour to lend support in the Mediterranean. We were alerted when she didn't show up to board the ship at Norfolk on the USS Ronald Reagan. She is 34 and single. Has a roommate here , we are trying to locate her now boss."

Gibbs nodded. " When Ducky gets here have him take the body back, something rattled Dinozzo about this one."

Mcgee said "On it, I hope Tony is ok."

Gibbs sighed. " Me too."

Tony was processing the living room and quiet when Ziva came out a minute later. "What was that about in there?"

Tony said" The room was a little too small. I thought I could work better out here."

Ziva said " All right but I think some thing in there got to you. I saw it in your eyes."

Tony said " Just let it be Ziva , I don't need to share every time a thought comes in to my head about a case."


	2. Chapter 2

Hours later: Tony had been quiet all day and focused on the case which was unusual. He hadn't eaten much dinner even when they had ordered Chinese. Finally after hours Ziva heard the shower running and shut off at the mens locker room and she went inside. Tony had just stepped out and his hands were beaten up from hitting the heavy bag.

"Ziva I would like to go home, not to mention I did just get out of the shower so there are probably all kinds of rules about this around here."

She said" Gibbs wanted me to make sure you were all right and clearly you are not. You were quiet all day and you did not eat your garlic spareribs which you love."

He replied" I wasn't hungry, it happens sometimes. "

She said " What is it about this case Tony? You clearly have something bothering you and it is playing with your brain."

He replied" There are some things I don't talk about, about my family. I don't like to remember all right. I found someone like our petty officer once and it got under my skin. I'll handle it with a cold beer and my bed and I'll be fine tomorrow."

Ziva looked at his hands for a moment. "You need to put ice on your hands or they will be stiff tomorrow . You don't usually hit things when you are upset."

Tony said " Ask Ducky about after Kate sometime he'll tell you. Spent six weeks in a splint over that one."

He ran a towel through his hair and pulled on a Baltimore PD sweatshirt. "See you in the morning Ms. David."

She said "No I am coming home with you, you shouldn't be alone tonight even if you do not want to talk to me . You were there when things happened with my father so at least let me be here now."


	3. Chapter 3

At Tony's apartment: He opened the door and placed his keys inside the bowl on the table and then fed his fish. He said" Kate I hope you like the bigger tank I got you. Maybe we need to get you a friend."

Then he got two beers out of his refrigerator.

"I'm going to have one of these Ziva want to join me? "

She nodded. "All right but I think you should ice your hands so they are not stiff tomorrow too."

Tony sighed. " After I finish my beer. I might need some time off to go home. May have to ask Gibbs for a few days to get my head cleared."

Ziva said "I think that would be good and maybe you can talk to your father too."

Tony shrugged. "If he's even in town when I go up there, I don't always know if he will have business somewhere else that takes him out of the city."

Tony swallowed some beer slowly. He got out his cell phone and dialed Gibbs.

Gibbs answered. " Did you get your head out of your ass yet Dinozzo?"

Tony replied" Well I was going to ask for a few days to go home to New York to do that. I need some time away for a little while."

Gibbs said" All right take it but you're on the desk when you get back cowboy."

Tony replied "Thought so, I didn't expect anything less. Desk it is boss thanks." Then he hung up.

Ziva said "Would you like me to stay tonight? I could give you a massage , I can tell you are in knots standing there Tony, please let me help you."

Tony smiled slightly. "Sure sweet cheeks . Though I can't promise I'll do much more than sleep tonight. I'm not in the frame of mind for other things."

Ziva touched his face gently. "I do not need sex all the time when I stay here with you. I understand that sometimes you need to just be held or simply sleep in our bed. "

He said "How did I get lucky enough to find someone like you?"

She went to Tony's freezer and found frozen peas and placed them on his left hand. "Let them there for a few minutes so your knuckles do not get black and blue."

He said"My left's worse than my right, I hit harder with that one."

She said" We will still ice that one down after you are finished with your beer."

He exhaled. "I'm going to go get comfortable on the bed then I'm feeling wiped honey."

She looked at him. "All right, I hope you will not end up getting sick over this though."

He said "I won't sweetheart, just need some sleep."


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning:

Tony woke up to the scent of coffee brewing and stretched. He rolled over to find the other side of his now king sized bed empty and sighed. Oh well if she had left it was for the best. She didn't need his crap anyway. He got up and went to his kitchen slowly and saw her standing there dressed for work.

"Good morning, you were sleeping so peacefully I did not want to wake you."

He said" Morning back at you, coffee smells good and so does whatever is cooking."

Ziva smiled. "I made french toast casserole this morning. It is something comforting before you fly to New York later."

Tony touched her face. "Thank you that's sweet. I might need that today."

She kissed him gently. "Do not shave for me while you are off, I like it when you do not."

Tony said " All right though it's only for a few days. I'll miss you my ninja."

She said " Me too but I will call you later and see how your trip went."

He smiled. "Unless I call you first, now I need to pack some clothes and some music for the flight."

She said "We will eat first and then after I leave for work you can pack."

A few hours later: Tony had gone to where his mother was. He laid her favorite flowers, white lilies down for her and said " Mom it's Anthony. I had something happen at work that made me think about you and well I just needed to visit. I'm a federal agent with NCIS now and there was a case that hit home." "I miss you a lot, think I found the right woman for me who can cut through all my bullshit. You would like her a lot. I didn't bring her this time though."

He felt tears sting his eyes and ran his hand over the stone for a minute.

It read Camilla ( Paddington) Dinozzo 3-5-1942 -7-10-1976

Devoted wife and loving mother

Then he heard footsteps and turned around slowly. "Dad?"

Anthony Dinozzo Senior was there also with flowers that he laid by his former wifes grave. " Junior, what are you doing here ?"

Tony said "I had a tough one at work and I got overwhelmed so I came up to see mom. I need to know what happened when she well left."

Senior took a deep breath and touched his wifes stone. "Anthony your mother had two miscarriages before we had you. Then we found out she had ovarian cancer, they did a hysterectomy but when they were in there they found out the cancer had advanced very rapidly."

He swallowed for a moment. "She was on borrowed time at that point. Her stubborn streak which you have made her decide that she didn't want us to see her suffer so she chose to end it the way she did. For a long time I was angry with her for taking time away from both of us that we should have had with her."

"That is the truth and I should have told you long ago instead of letting your mothers family hurt you by lying about what happened to her. I should have talked to you about her before now instead of shutting down on you son."

Tony said "Well at least now I know what happened to her. You had to be hurting too Dad, I have lost people I have cared about since."

Senior sighed. "I am sorry son that I made you think you couldn't feel. I was wrong for that and I should never have done it. Can you try and forgive me?"

Tony exhaled. "Sure Dad I can. I need to go slow and try and process this all first though."

His father nodded. "I understand, it will take you some time. I know a place here in town that has a great rib eye , do you want a late lunch or an early dinner on me?"

Tony said "Sure that sounds good .I'm a little hungry, I'm staying at the Waverly Inn."

Senior said" Why spend your money on that? I'm home and there is an extra room at my place with a king sized bed. "

Tony shrugged. " I guess I can cancel, I wasn't sure you'd be in town since this was kind of spur of the moment. After we eat, I'll go get my stuff."

His dad nodded. "All right , you look tired son, I hope you're getting enough sleep and not working too hard."

Tony sighed. "Well I can be a little lazy while I'm here for a few days on a break can't i?"

His dad patted his shoulder. "Sure whatever helps you feel better."

Later : Seniors Penthouse on Park Avenue in New York City, beside Trump Tower

Tony said "You redid the place since the last time I was here. I like the colors, the plum and gray."

Senior said "It needed a change all that tan wasn't my taste. It was more Valerie's when she lived here."

Tony nodded. "Looks good, is the spare bedroom still back the hall?"

His dad replied " Opposite mine through the left wall."

Tony said "I'll put my bag in there later."

Senior said " Let me it doesn't look that heavy. I'm sure you could use a little time to unwind a bit. " He took Tony's suitcase to the bedroom then.

Tony sat on the couch for a moment and then pulled his feet up slowly. He had his head down on the armrest when his father came back.

His dad said " You look comfortable, let me get you a pillow."

Tony said "Sure Dad thanks."

Senior came back with a pillow and put it under his sons head gently. "There you are." Then he wandered over to his fireplace and started a fire going. "I know this isn't quite like when you are at Gibbs's place but I figured you would like a fire and a nap maybe."

Tony replied "I do the Dinozzo machine isn't running at full speed right now.I needed a break I think to recharge a little."

Senior ran his hand over Tony's forehead. "You don't have a fever, maybe you just need to catch up on some rest."

Tony yawned. "It's been a busy few months Dad." Then his eyes closed slowly.


	5. Chapter 5

A while later : Tony woke up and remembered where he was. He saw his dad sitting in his recliner reading a book by John Grisham.

He said "Did you have a good nap?"

Tony replied "Yeah I did, I guess I crashed pretty hard."

Senior said" You needed it. Ziva and Gibbs called your cell while you were asleep. I told them you were resting but would call them back when you were awake."

Tony said " All right I can now." He picked up his cell and dialed Gibbs first.

"Hey boss, what's up ?"

Gibbs replied " So you're staying at your dads place Dinozzo?"

Tony said" Yes, we're working on some things. I'll tell you over a cowboy steak and a beer when I get back."

Gibbs said " All right but if he hurts you I am on my way up there to kick his ass."

Tony smiled a little. "It's ok papa bear I'm fine. I need to give him a shot to make things better between us. "

Gibbs said "Just remember that I have your back Dinozzo always."

Tony replied "I know even when I take it for granted."

Then he hung up and dialed Ziva.

"Hey sweet cheeks."

She replied "Hello Tony, how are you feeling?"

He said "I'm getting there. I just had a pretty good nap by a toasty warm fire here. I also know what happened with my mom now."

"She lost two babies before me and then got ovarian they got in there and did a hysterectomy it had already spread too fast. She didn't want to me or dad to see her suffer so she got stubborn and ended it on her own terms."

He exhaled. "It made Senior mad for a while because he felt that we both should have had that time with her and we got ripped off."

Ziva said " I am so sorry for you and for your father Tony. It is hard to go through this."

Tony replied "I know but at least I know what happened and why now." Then he was quiet again.

Ziva asked "Is there anything I can do for you?"

He said" Save me a hug when I get back and maybe one of those neck rubs that you do. I'm talking it easy until I fly back pretty much, your voice helped too."

She replied "You can have both of those things. I can come there if you need a friend right now, I will ask Gibbs."

He said "If you can manage it fine,if not it's two more days. I'm going to get caught up on some sleep mostly and let Senior cook for me."

Ziva said " I will call you if I can come, please get some sleep if you can and talk to your dad. You both need it."

He said "I will, hey I'll be back before you miss me too much."

She replied "That is not possible Anthony Dinozzo."

Then he hung up and smiled a little.


	6. Chapter 6

Authors note: Sorry I didn't tell people this fic may have Tiva in it. Someone reamed me out in a review and said I should have so they could ignore it well ok there is your notice. Also added it to my summary but I didn't know what direction it was going to go when I started to write so I apologize to those I offended.

Tony was at his dads the next day being lazy and wearing a hooded sweatshirt with NCIS on it and jeans. He was stretched out on the couch with his Ipod on when there was a knock at the door. He stood up and answered it since his dad was in the kitchen. He opened the door and saw Ziva standing there .

"Wow, well hello I didn't think you were going to come up. "

She replied " I told Gibbs you needed a friend right now and I wanted to be there for you. So he gave the team an early weekend."

Tony said " Thank you." Then he hugged her.

She looked at him for a minute and touched his face. "You look tired, aren't you sleeping well?"

Tony shrugged. "It's just not the same as your own bed."

Then Senior came out of the kitchen and smiled. "Well hello Ziva it is good to see you again."

She smiled. "Good to see you as well Mr. Dinozzo , how are you?"

He said "Well quite honestly a little concerned about Anthony but you seem to have improved his mood."

Ziva said "I know he is dealing with a tough time right now and I am sorry about your wife and his mother."

He replied " So am I , I hate that something brought it back up again for him."

Tony said " It happened, it was always in the back of my mind though. Mom was a beautiful woman."

His dad said "You have her eyes. And her smile."

Ziva listened and then said "What smells so good in the kitchen?"

Senior said "I made Tony's favorite, his grandma Dinozzo's manicotti , I think I still remember the sauce."

Tony blinked. "Wow dad I haven't had that in years."

Senior patted his shoulder. "Thought you might like something comforting for lunch today. I know she always made it for you when you were younger and didn't feel well or had a bad day."

Ziva smiled. "I cannot wait to try it, I hope you wrote it down so I can make it for Tony when we go back home sometime."

Senior said "Well it does get passed to special women in a Dinozzo mans life, I think you qualify my dear."


	7. Chapter 7

A week later: Tony was back at work again but still kind of quiet. He went down to Abby's lab late in the day and said " Hey Abbs can you do something for me?"

She replied" If you need a hug you never have to ask."

He smiled a little. "No it's not that, but thanks . I was wondering if you could age a picture for me on your computer so I can see what someone would look like now."

Abby said "Sure I can , it's easy. I just have to scan the picture into my aging software and then we are good to go."

Tony handed her one of the pictures of his mother that he had and a few that hadn't been removed from his house after she had died. He said "Here it is, I have other ones. That was my mom."

Abby blinked. "Wow she's beautiful. You have her eyes for sure."

Tony said "Yeah dad says that too. I don't know exactly."

Abby said" Oh trust me it's there."

She scanned the picture and said "Ok it will just be a minute until I pull it up on screen for you."

Tony inhaled. "I think I want to see it but I'm not sure I'm ready. I mean it's been a long time and everything."

Abby gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Maybe you need to so you can heal."

Tony sighed . "Better late than never I guess but then Dinozzo's don't do things like everybody else."

Abby's computer pinged. "Ok here we are." She moved her mouse for a few minutes and then opened the file she had placed the picture in.

Tony looked at it and was quiet. " Wow. So that's what she would be like. " One tear slid down his cheek and he wiped it away. "Thanks Abbs this means a lot to me."

Abby said "Hey wait a minute, come here." She pulled him into a hug. "It's ok to miss her and feel sad. She would be proud of what you are now and that you help people. Hold on to that."

He inhaled. "I know. Doesn't mean that sometimes I still don't need her though."

He walked out of Abby's lab to head home not knowing that Gibbs was off to the side listening to the conversation from the beginning.

Abby said "Gibbs what are we going to do? He's really hurting. This is his mother or what she would look like now. How do we help him through this?"

Gibbs said" Abby what you did tonight was a big start, he's letting it in. Now we just be here when he wants to talk more or let him yell whatever it takes to get him better."

Abby nodded. "He's not Tony when he's sad Gibbs. He doesn't have the bounce in his step that he usually does. Get it back."

Gibbs sighed. "I'm trying but he has to want it first."


	8. Chapter 8

A few days later: Tony was at work early. McGee said "Wow your glasses are back, haven't seen those in quite a while."

Tony said " Well McNosey my eyes weren't cooperating with my contacts this morning, must be allergy season early."

He went back to the paperwork on his desk again.

Gibbs got out his cell phone. "Hey Duck, need you to pull a medical file for me. No I'll be down in a minute and tell you."

Tony said "Thanks a lot McSquealer, couldn't leave it alone could you."

Ziva said "Tony you have not been yourself recently, Gibbs just wants to make sure you are feeling all right."

Tony sighed. "So I'm not laugh a minute player Dinozzo right now, I can have a few rough weeks too."

Down in autopsy: Ducky said "So Jethro who isn't feeling well on your team right now?"

Gibbs said" Dinozzo has his glasses on today, said his eyes didn't cooperate with his contacts because his allergies were acting up. So what's he allergic to?"

Ducky said" Dust, grass and pine which are common but not seasonal allergies. Though he has been dealing with a lot of personal stress of late Jethro, maybe his eyes were just tired."

Gibbs nodded. "Well I'll keep an eye on him, thanks Duck."

Ducky said "I'll do that as well."

Gibbs went back up to the bullpen again.

Mcgee and Ziva were talking about the previous day's case another suicide of a female petty officer. Tony was running the bank records. Mcgee said "This mirrors the first one exactly boss down to the wine and pills."

Ziva said" Could someone be staging these scenes to make us think they were suicides?"

Gibbs looked at Tony. He said "You're quiet over there Dinozzo do you have something to add?"

"Well boss the current victim just had a deposit of $ 50,000 put in her account two days ago. Slightly above her paygrade wouldn't you say?"

"And I may need some personal time but I think it can wait until the case is done. "

Gibbs said " Wait a minute, elevator now."

Tony nodded. "Ok but I don't mind telling you out here."

Gibbs stood in front of his desk . "Talk to me."

Tony said "I got a call from my dad last night, my grandmother isn't doing well. She's in the beginning stages of congestive heart failure and he thinks I should go and see her well in case. She is 86 Boss but a feisty woman, I get my stubborn streak from her."

Gibbs said "Go be there for your family. The case will wait, if need be I'll get Balboa to help us out and his team."

Tony nodded. "Ok I guess I have to put in the paperwork for the director." He and Jenny were still on somewhat frosty terms at the moment.

Gibbs said" Fill it out and sign it and I'll turn it in. You just focus on getting ready for your trip. And if your dad does anything to make it harder on you while you're there I am coming to kick his ass."

Tony smiled slightly. "You always have my six boss." He stood up and got his gear from his desk. "I'll be back before you even miss me, you might like it quieter around here."

Tony's apartment later: He was packing some dress and casual clothes and his IPod and new Kindle for the flight and had asked his neighbor to get his mail and feed his cat Leroy. He had put two litter pans out as well that were clean and freshly filled and dry food and water. He had found the cat a few months before in the winter behind a dumpster when he was putting his trash out. The kitten then had been left there and was cold and nearly hadn't made it. And Tony hadn't been able to give him up after a few weeks when he was healthy. So he paid $25 more in rent a month to have him there.

He petted Leroy and said "I have to go out of town for a little while. But Mrs. Jones will be over to feed you, so be nice. I am hoping this is a short trip but I don't know. It's not easy for me being around my dad sometimes." Leroy rubbed up against his hand.

Tony smiled. " Even you can lose your attitude with me when I need it bud." Then there was a knock at the door. He opened it and saw Ziva standing there. "Did you come to take me to the airport?"

She said "Yes I thought maybe you might need someone to talk to."

He exhaled. "I don't know if I am ready for this. I mean I know I could be saying goodbye to her and everything. I just hope she hangs on until I see her."

Ziva said" She sounds like a strong woman and I am sure she will want to see you too Tony. If you need me please call me and I am there, I know it is hard for you with your father and this time could be pretty intense."

Tony touched her cheek. "I will, I need to get there and see what I am dealing with first though."


	9. Chapter 9

Four days later:

Tony went into the bedroom where he was staying and dialed Gibbs' cell number. He had closed the door behind him and didn't want bothered for a few minutes. He waited for an answer hoping he wasn't interrupting the team in the middle of a case. "Gibbs."

He said "Hey boss , uh my grandmother's gone. She went peacefully last night in her sleep. She had a mild stroke yesterday and that was pretty much the end. "

"Tony I'm sorry take all the time that you need. But know your family is here for you when you need us. "

Tony said "Thanks , could you tell the team for me? I don't want to call everybody right now . I'm tired."

Gibbs replied "Done, you take care of yourself right now."

Tony said "Always boss. I have ravioli to make , we are having a family meal for my grandmother for just us before we do the public thing tomorrow."

Gibbs said" Well I think she would like that. I'll see you when you get back home."

Later that same evening: There was a knock at the door. Tony was sitting in a quieter corner by the fireplace while his dad and aunts were looking at old pictures for the funeral chapel the next day and talking. He said "Is anyone expecting a delivery?"

They all said "No." He said "I'll get it then."

He opened the door and saw Ziva standing there with a small carry on bag. He said "Come in ."

She put her bag down and hugged him. "Tony I am sorry about your grandmother and I thought you might need a friend."

He sighed. "I do. But I should warn you I have a slight wine buzz happening right now. We had a family dinner earlier for my grandmother for just us and we have pasta left. If you are hungry there is ravioli which I made or my dads fettucini alfredo with chicken. Plus meatballs."

Ziva said "Well apparently Dinozzo's know how to eat." She smiled. "I could try the ravioli since you made it and I always like good wine."

Tony nodded. "Follow me, I'll fix you a plate and then I will show you where you're staying. My room has a double bed if you're ok with that. Pretty much all of the others are taken."

Ziva said" We have had to share a bed before and I think we can do it again. Besides you need to sleep anyway."

Tony said "Yes I do, haven't been getting much. But then I don't sleep well when I'm emotional." He got out the food to reheat it for her and a plate as well.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day: Tony was pulling a suit out that he had brought with him, the only one he had packed in charcoal gray. He hadn't wanted black for today even though his family would no doubt be wearing it. He pulled out a pale blue tie and his hands shook as he tried tying it on.

"Shit." He muttered. "I need to look just right today, busted out the Armani for this and I can't even tie my damn tie." He swallowed for a moment.

Ziva took his hand. "Let me. It is all right to be a little unsettled right now Tony." She gently turned him to face her and began to tie his tie. "There we are, I don't know if I have seen you in a suit very much but you look very handsome."

Tony smiled. "Why my sweet ninja are you flirting with me right now?"

She replied "If it helps distract you or lift your mood a little then yes I am."

He touched her face gently. "Thank you. I might need that for later. I don't know what I am going to say when I speak. I know Tony Dinozzo speechless, go figure."

Ziva hugged him. "Do as Gibbs does and go with your gut. It cannot be a bad thing, whatever you remember about your grandmother will come from a good place Tony. Focus on those things."

He sighed. "I am glad you're here and this is almost over. I am ready to go back home again, this may be where I grew up and where my family is but it's not home to me."

She touched his face. "You need some sleep later after this is done, you were up a lot last night."

He said "I know, sorry if I bothered you. Maybe I need my own bed to shut it all off."

She said" I will come over to your apartment and give you a massage when we fly home. That will help you sleep."

Tony smiled. " Or make me want to do other things to break in my new bed."


	11. Chapter 11

Tony was standing out on the back deck of his grandmother's house with coffee in his hand that morning. He wanted some time to think about what he was going to say later and just to get his head together if he could. He swallowed coffee slowly and just looked at his grandmothers rose bushes in the background.

Then he heard footsteps beside him on the weathered wood. He turned and said "Boss?"

Gibbs him a squeeze on the shoulder. "How are you doing kid?"

He said "Been better, just trying to get my head together for later."

Gibbs nodded. "Abby and McGee are inside at that huge breakfast spread."

Tony smiled a little. "What can if say, Dinozzo's feed people. Guess I should eat something though."

Gibbs said "Yes you should. You'll need it."

Tony said "Thanks papa bear, though I need home more right about now. "

They both walked inside to get some food together.

Tony went over to get a plate and then Abby came over and hugged him tightly for a moment.

"That's what I needed a Scuito special." Tony smiled at her. "I can't believe you guys came."

Abby said "We love you Tony, where else would we be?"

Tony smiled a little. "Are you trying to make me sentimental Italian Abbs? It might work today."

She squeezed his hand. "Just know we're here ok."

He said "I do."

He walked over behind Mcgee in the food line and started making himself a plate. "Hey Tim."

Mcgee said "You seem better."

Tony replied "Today's an easier day, I just have to talk later and then home sweet home. "

Mcgee said "Well I am sure whatever you say will be the right thing."

Tony smiled. "So I guess I can't tell the story that my grandmother taught me the Dinozzo defibrillator huh?"

Mcgee looked at him and said "What, seriously?"

Tony said "Oh yeah. Nonni used to like her red wine at family weddings." "She'd laugh about it if she was here so I am telling that story later."

Tim said "I wish I could have met her, she sounds like a firecracker."

Tony said "She was. But she also was like my mom too. Made a killer cherry pie on my birthday, can't get one like it anywhere else and I have looked. Taught me her ravioli when I was old enough to crush garlic for the sauce."

Mcgee said "Then that's what you tell people later. Those things. The good stuff. It doesn't have to be fancy, it just has to be you talking about her. Don't worry about measuring up to what your dad expects you to say. She matters and what you love about her nothing more."  
>Tony swallowed. "Thanks Tim. I needed to hear that from my brother today." He patted his shoulder. "And now we need to eat."<p>

An hour later: Tony stood at the podium. He had taken his suit jacket off earlier. "For those of you who may not know I'm Laurenza Dinozzo's grandson Anthony. Some call me Tony or as she did "Tonio." I thought I was ready for this day coming but you never really are. I can tell you that Nonni was like another mom to me after I lost mine."

He cleared his throat. "She also taught me the Dinozzo defibrillator hangover remedy. My great uncle Victor's son Mario got married when I was nineteen and that was where I had my first beer at the reception. Or should I say the first three. Sorry dad." "Anyway I paid for it the next morning. Little did I know Nonni had also been as she put it dancing with the red wine a little too hard? So she sat me down and mixed up the family hangover remedy for both of us right at the table in the kitchen. Works like a charm to this day."

"She made me the best cherry pie every year on my birthday until I was eighteen, can't find one like hers and I have tried believe me. There is this little diner that I know that has one that almost does the job but not quite." He looked at Gibbs and nodded.

"I learned her ravioli recipe when I was old enough to crush garlic for the sauce. I have it now to go home with me."

"She loved my grandfather Dante with all her heart. They met sixty one years ago on the beach in Positano so in my mind she's there again with him right now and they both are having red wine and pasta together."

"Thank you." He walked over to the front pew and sat down quietly. His head lowered into his hands and his body shuddered a little.

Ziva saw it and quietly moved up to where he was and then put her arm around him.

"Tony, let it go. You have been incredibly strong go ahead."

She spoke softly to him. He said "I need some air." He pulled on his suit jacket and went out the back door quietly.

Anthony Dinozzo Senior started to stand up to go outside but Gibbs looked at him and he sat back down in his seat.

Gibbs went outside instead. He saw Tony standing outside with his head leaning against the brick wall and his face was wet.

He said "Tony." It was softer than his office tone.

Tony's head snapped up. "You don't call me my first name boss unless you're worried."

Gibbs said "Right now you're hurting, so I think it's all right."

He replied "Probably look like a bawl baby, surprised Senior didn't come out here and tell me."

Gibbs said "You look like someone who misses his grandmother that he loves and is allowed to cry and be sad."

Tony exhaled. "Good because I miss her a lot and I'm tired. I need to go home and be with my family again."

Gibbs hugged him. "We're here for you, for anything you need son."

Tony said "Well let me say goodbye to my dad and then we can pack and fly home."


	12. Chapter 12

Before the team left Tony's grandmothers house his dad said "Ziva dear do you have a minute?"

She replied "Yes Mr. Dinozzo what do you need?"

He said "Will you do me a favor and be there for Anthony. He is going to need you and your team when he lets this hit him. Right now he wants to try and be strong and hold it inside but I know he's hurting. "

Ziva said "We will all be here for him when he lets us in. We know that we cannot push him to open up about what he is feeling, he needs to do that on his own time."

Tony's father sighed. "Some of that is my fault. If I had been more open about his mother he wouldn't feel like it is bad to hurt and feel pain now."

Ziva touched his arm. "I will do what I can to help him. He helped me through something hard about my own father and I owe him that much to be here for him now when he needs a friend."

His dad said "Thank you, I appreciate this and I am happy that you are in my son's life even if you are just friends and work partners right now."

Ziva said" I think we are still working on what we are, Tony needs to come to terms with losing his grandmother before he makes any decisions about his future with me. I am here for him if he needs and wants me to be but other than that I do not know what else there is or will happen right now."

Senior said " All right, well I will let you go pack. Maybe you will visit me again soon and on a happier occasion at my apartment in New York. Get Tony to bring you. I'll cook and show you some of the city ."

Ziva smiled. "I would like that when Tony is feeling better."

On the plane home: Tony said " So what did you and my dad talk about before we left? It looked pretty intense."

Ziva replied " He asked me to be here for you, he is worried about you. I think you should call him and really talk Tony . You both need that."

Tony nodded. "Do you have anything for a headache?" He rubbed his left temple.

Ziva replied "I have some aspirin. You should get some tea when they serve drinks and try and take a nap for a while. It will help your head."

Tony smiled a little. " Well my ninja are you going mother hen on me? It's kind of nice ."

Ziva looked at him for a moment. "I know you need to be this way right now in front of the team. But I hope eventually you will let your walls down."

Tony said "I'm tired, I just need my bed and to be home. I had a lot of good memories with my grandparents and their house but I am just used to my own space now and being with the team. I will try with my dad. It is just complicated sometimes for me to know what to say to him that won't end up causing us to fight Zi."


	13. Chapter 13

On the plane a short time later: Tony got tea and swallowed the two aspirin Ziva had handed him. His head leaned back against the seat and his eyes closed. He exhaled softly as his body relaxed. After he had fallen asleep his head drifted over to Ziva's left shoulder and he mumbled " beautiful" in his sleep.

Mcgee nudged Abby and mouthed "Look at that."

Abby said" Well it looks like they have gotten a lot closer, he needs someone to lean on right now. If she helps him feel better it's nice."

Gibbs looked at them . "You two see something entertaining over there?"

Mcgee said " Uh no ."

Gibbs replied" That's what I thought . Leave it alone, Dinozzo has enough going on right now . He needs some time and some rest and us to be there for him. Looks to me like Ziva is doing that."

Mcgee said "Right boss sorry. It won't happen again."

Abby looked at Mcgee. " Nice one Mcgenius."


	14. Chapter 14

Tony's apartment:

"Zi it was nice of you to drive me home from the airport and everything but I'm just going to crash right now . I will unpack tomorrow since I think I am still off."

She said "I can stay until you are asleep and then head to my place."

Tony poured a shot of Jack Daniels for himself. "Well this should help with that. I need to check Leroy's litter and feed him and then I am good to go."

She touched his arm. " You do know that it's ok to let people in and to say this hurts you Tony?"

He said" Yes I do. I'm tired right now and when I get some sleep I'll talk more. I'm not one for touchy feely things sometimes. It hurts and I need to get my head around it more before I can talk to people about it even the team."

"I'm sorry if that's not what you want right now but it's where I'm at."

She looked at him. "Well then I will let you get some rest. Maybe after you have slept a while in your own bed you will feel more human and more like allowing me to be here for you."

She went to the door and walked out of it with a clicking sound.

Tony sighed. Then he picked up Leroy. "Let's get you a clean litter box and some cat crunchies bud and then I am getting some sleep. I need it so I can start getting my head back in the game again."

Tony swallowed the rest of his shot of whiskey and sprawled out on the couch with a throw blanket and pillow. If he had pushed Ziva out the door for good so be it. Sometimes he just needed space, it wasn't easy for him to be open about his feelings. He had grown up not even knowing why his mother had died really just that she had. At least he knew that now and that it was beyond his control. But he wished he had had a little more time. Maybe his grandmother wouldn't have felt like she had had to be there even though he had loved her. His cousins had resented that even though they never said it. But they were lucky, their moms are still here. It wasn't fair sometimes he thought. The first woman to break his heart still could after all this time. And now there was his grandmother . Why was he so damned unloveable and stubborn.

He needed to learn to let his guard down . If he couldn't with Ziva then there would never be anyone else he ever would with.


	15. Chapter 15

Gibbs basement:

He heard footsteps on the stairs and put the piece of wood down that he was measuring. He looked up and said "Hey Ziver, you haven't been down here in a while."

She said "I was not sure where else to go. "

He looked at her for a moment. "All right, what happened?"

She replied "I do not know what to do for Tony to help him. He is not acting like himself."

He said "Did he push you away?"

She said "Yes. I know he is hurting and I just want to be there for him right now that is all."

Gibbs nodded. "Well he is probably tired right now. Being around his dad takes a lot out of him even when he is at his best. When you combine that with the fact that he lost his second mother I would say he's just raw."

Ziva said "So what do I do for him?"

Gibbs said "Keep being there. Don't push him, just talk to him and even a hug might work too. When he is ready he will accept help. Right now he is still licking his wounds a little."

Ziva replied "Thank you I knew you would know how to help me. You know Tony better than anyone on the team ."

Gibbs said "When you come down to it Ziver sometimes Dinozzo and I aren't all that different. He's just still a lot softer which is a good thing around the heart."

She hugged him. "You are too Gibbs. You just do not always want to admit it." She smiled at him and headed back up the stairs.


	16. Chapter 16

The same night: Tony was up on his couch with Leroy by his feet and an old throw over them that Paula Cassidy had given him one time when he had a cold. He heard a knock at his door and stood up slowly. Then he opened it after a moment.

"Ziva?"

She replied "It is late, I should have looked at the time."

He said "It's ok I was up anyway."

" I'm sorry about before", Tony said."

She said " You needed space."

He said "I could have been nicer about it though."

She said "I would like to move on."

He replied "Well then come in. Would you stay with me? I need my arms around you so I can sleep."

She looked at him for a moment. "Yes I will, I have extra clothes here so I will not have to leave for work so early."

Tony said "I think I still have another day off and then I am sure I'll be on desk for a while."

Ziva said " You need to get some sleep before you think about work just yet."

Tony smiled. "I like this protective side of you , it's sweet. Just makes me wonder what I did to deserve it around my life."

She said "I care about you and you are hurting right now, you need a little extra attention."

Tony pulled off his robe before he got the blankets ready for them on his bed. "I am glad I got a new one. The other was too small anyway and this new mattress does feel like a cloud. "

Ziva said "There is even plenty of room for your cat at the bottom though I never thought you would have a pet."

Tony said "Well I couldn't give him up after I found him out back by my trash dumpster half frozen, guess we were just supposed to have each others backs. Might be a surprise next time Senior visits me."

Ziva replied "Or you could go see him at his place, I think he wants that. "

Tony shrugged. "Sometime. Right now I'm exhausted sweet cheeks." He gently touched her face. "Night Zi. "

She gently kissed his face near his chin. "Sleep well Tony. I am right here beside you if you need me to hold."

His arms wrapped around her waist and he drifted off.


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning: Tony stretched in his bed and rolled over to touch Zivas side. And then he smelled coffee and something cooking. He felt hungry so he got up slowly after pulling on his robe. " Morning."

She said "I thought I would make you some breakfast casserole this morning. It seems like comfort food is what you needed. Also your coffee is brewing. I made my tea."

He smiled. "Thank you, it smells great. I am going to get spoiled though ."

She said " I wanted to do it, let me know how you think it tastes. " She was dressed in a light purple colored shirt and some black pants.

He looked at her for a moment. "I like you in purple Zi, and you smell wonderful."

She said "I wear a perfume from Victoria's Secret called Victoria's Secret Angel Dream but thank you."

He smiled. "Well now I know what to get you for Christmas or your birthday don't I?"

She smiled "Yes you do."

He yawned a little and his face got red.

She said "Why Tony Dinozzo I think you're blushing."

He replied " Dinozzo's don't blush."

She said "All right, maybe you just need your coffee to be more awake."

He said "And some breakfast with you before you go to work. "

She smiled. "That I can do. Though it will be quiet without you there today."

He said "Well one more day and then I'll be back in the bullpen again like I was never away."

She got them both plates of food and then Tony a mug of coffee with hazelnut creamer and sugar.

He said "You know me too well, kind of scary ."

She replied "Well remember I did observe a lot when I first came to NCIS. "

He said "True. Maybe I will get ready and go into work today, I am sure there is a stack on my desk that I can go through. I have laundry here but that can wait another day."

Ziva said "Well that sounds nice. I am sure that Gibbs will be glad to see you back."

Tony replied "I need a break from these walls even if I do nothing but paperwork all day."


	18. Chapter 18

Director Shepard walked down the stairs to the bullpen and stopped in front of Tony's desk for a moment. "I wanted to say I was sorry for your loss Agent Dinozzo ."

Tony replied "I have had a tough few weeks Director but I am dealing, thank you."

She said "Would you mind a distraction?"

He shrugged. " Sure as long as there are no French arms dealers daughters involved this time."

She replied "I need someone on a protective custody detail. The trial on the Jensen case starts next week and I need one of the witnesses kept safe until it's finished."

Tony said "All right, I can do some babysitting for a while."

Gibbs said "We will work cold cases while he's out Director."

She nodded. "Of course, Balboa's team agreed to take anything else that was hot."

Tony said "So who am I protecting and when do I start?"

The director said "Here is the file with the Intel and it starts tonight. I would go home and pack some things for at least a week, maybe two."

Tony looked at Gibbs. "Can I go boss?"

He said "Sure, just watch your six Dinozzo."

Tony cracked a smile. "Always boss, unless you're doing it for me."

Ziva said "Are these protective custody assignments dangerous?"

Gibbs replied "Maybe if Tony can't find a pizza place nearby it could be."

Ziva smiled. "That was funny."

Tony looked at the file as he headed to the elevator. Hmm Leila Reynolds was a redhead, and a navy hospital surgeon who had operated on the victim in this murder case. Obviously someone didn't want her to testify so she was under NCIS protection. It would have to be another doctor though, nice director. Oh well this was a job and he had to do it. He would handle it and make it work. It beat desk and being bored reading paper after paper.

Then Director Shepard said "Agent Gibbs can I talk to you upstairs for a minute?"

Gibbs replied "Sure, whatever you need." He followed her up the stairs to her office.

Jenny said "Tony still hasn't forgiven me for La Grenouille has he?"

Gibbs said "Well Jen even though he knew he wasn't supposed to he cared about Jeanne. Sometimes that happens undercover. Had I been here for him at the time when he needed it who knows? He had a hard time when I left. And he doesn't like looking vulnerable. Right now he is just trying to get back in the game. So don't think it's personal if he is short with you. He has had a lot of things in his life turned upside down in the last few weeks and well month or so. He needs time."

She said "All right, I just hope he knows that people are here and care about how he is doing."

Gibbs smiled. "I'll bet a cowboy steak on it when he is done with his protection detail that he does."

Later that day: Tony was getting some clothes together at his apartment when his cell phone beeped.

"Hey beautiful."

Ziva replied "Hello, so would you like me to stay at your place and take care of Leroy? He knows me and that way your neighbor wouldn't have to this time."

Tony said "That would be sweet. Plus I do have a rather comfy bed that should be used by someone while I'm not in it."

Ziva replied "I can do that too. Your place is closer to the Navy Yard after all."

Tony smiled. "There is that, less time to get to work in the morning." "I just hope this goes fast, I'm not always a fan of safe houses or wherever I am going to be."

She said "Look under your pillow."

He lifted it and said "Well now, there is a tank top under here that reads NCIS and it smells like coconut Ms. David."

"Something for you to have to think of me when you can't sleep."

He smiled. "Thank you sweet cheeks. I'll take it with me later when I leave."

"Good I have one of your shirts." Then she was quiet.

Tony said "I'll miss you."

She said "Well maybe I can text you and check in? Nobody would question a partner checking on a partner would they?"

He replied" No they wouldn't. I just want to be careful, the director wants me for this so I can't screw it up. Not after the last time."

"That was not your fault Tony, she had an obsession with Rene Benoit. You were played into it." Ziva replied. "You almost paid with your own life that was punishment enough."


	19. Chapter 19

Tony looked around the hotel suite before he allowed the witness to enter. It had two bedrooms and he placed his gear in the smaller one on the bed. Then he said "If you would like to order dinner in there are several take out menus available here."

Leila replied" I would bet you don't eat sushi do you?"

He said "Actually I do like a California roll now and then but tonight I was feeling like pizza if that's all right with you."

She shrugged. "Sure, I like mushrooms and pepperoni."

He said " All right I'll call in the order. One small for you with mushrooms and pepperoni and a large for me with extra cheese and sausage. Oh and I do like beer."

She said " Fine."

He said " If you want to unpack the food won't be here for a while. You might as well feel at home since it is during the trial."

She replied "And you get to babysit me and be bored out of your mind.I am sure NCIS agents have more important things to do with their time than this."

Tony sighed. "I have been on desk duty because of some personal things so I was pushing papers and going stir crazy. I wanted to try and get back in the game a little so here we are."

She said " Yes here we are, this is kind of like that movie The Bodyguard, though you are much better looking than Kevin Costner."

Tony said " Well thank you but this has to be strictly professional besides I am in a relationship. "

" She must be a very understanding woman to let her boyfriend go for two weeks and not know when he will be home or where he is exactly", Leila replied

Tony smiled. "You have no idea and she's out of your league. She's the right one for me . I know that for sure."


	20. Chapter 20

Two weeks later: Tony entered the bullpen at the navy yard with a folder in his hand and went up the stairs to the directors office where he knocked on the door and waited to be allowed in.

She said "Agent Dinozzo, good morning."

He replied " Here is my report on the protective custody detail maam and I also have something I would like to show you. " He unbuttoned the light gray shirt he was wearing to reveal a bite mark on his upper chest.

"The witness and I have been sleeping in separate areas of the hotel suite that we were staying in the entire time. I woke up one morning and found her in my bed. I told her to get the hell out of it. I have been nothing but professional the entire time because I did not want another mess on an assignment. I found the mark when I went to get a shower later. And yes I have a digital photograph in that folder on your desk."

Jenny said" Oh shit. First off I want to apologize for this, I just thought this detail would help you get your head back in the game Tony not cause you anymore stress. I will find another agent to replace you immediately. You can go rejoin Gibbs and again I am truly sorry."

Tony rubbed his left temple for a moment. " Better get some Advil before I start my day with Gibbs, thank you Director."

She sighed. " Thank you Agent Dinozzo."

Tony went to his desk and rummaged for the bottle of Advil that he kept in the second drawer down. He put a few pens and things on his desk quietly and then said " Morning."

Gibbs said "You ok Dinozzo?"

He said "I will be boss."

Tony got two Advil and swallowed them with some bottled water that he had nearby. " Kinked up my neck on an unfamiliar pillow, hate that."

Gibbs said "You know it seems to me I owe you a cowboy steak from before."

Tony smiled. "I can never turn down a steak."

Gibbs said "Usual time and place, be there."

Tony nodded. "So what did I miss around here?"

Mcgee said "We reopened the Angelique Perkins case again while you were gone. Metro PD found a car matching hers in a pond near where she was last seen. But nobody was in it. " "Abby has it now in the garage."

Tony sighed. "I can still see her mothers face. She'd be what 23 now? Somebody has to know something."

Ziva said "Who was she, this woman? I do not remember her."

Tony clicked something up on the plasma then. A pretty brunette girl with green eyes appeared on the screen.

He said "That would be Angelique. At the time she went missing she was a freshman at Georgetown University , premed. Daughter of a navy admiral and a nurse. Had perfect grades, a pretty decent group of friends and was a good kid. Loved her yellow lab, what was his name Mcgeek?"

Mcgee replied "Sonny, she was going to get him bred with a female to have another pup. A golden retriever mix I think."

Ziva said " And the parents do not think she could have just run away? That can happen."

Tony sighed. "Her car just turns up now without her in it ? Someone had it all this time and put it in that pond or else it was in there all this time and I don't want to know where we are going to find her next."

"This is personal for you Tony ," Ziva commented.

He said "It was the last case I worked with Kate. Before I got the plague. So yeah it is personal. It brings back a lot of things. I need a minute."

He went to the elevator and pushed the button to go to get some air.

Ziva looked at Gibbs and Mcgee. "I did not know about Kate. I am sorry."

Gibbs said "That one got under his skin. We all have them , I do. The day you don't once in a while on this job means you should quit it because you're not human anymore."

Tony went to Abby's lab for a minute. He walked in and heard "Drift Away" playing . He said " How did you know I needed something mellow right now Abbs?"

She said "I know that Angelique is more than a case to you Tony. So I knew you'd be down here looking for some peace."

Tony hugged her. " You always know what to say my friend. I just want to know and bring her home one way or the other. Even if it's not a happy ending ."

Abby said "I think you will, having her car is something I didn't have before and that tells me that she had faulty brakes for one thing." "Or rather the mechanic who replaced them for her put bad ones on instead of new good ones. These pads were shot Tony."

Tony said " Call Gibbs and tell him, I am going to ask her parents who would have repaired her car during that time."

Abby patted his arm. " Good luck."

Tony sighed. "I might need it, I'll take Mcgee. He's good with parents sometimes when I'm not."

Abby nodded. "And I am going to see what else this car can tell us about where Angelique may have gone or who last rode in it."

Ziva came down a few minutes later to Abbys lab:

" Abby, you and Kate were good friends?"

Abby replied "Yes , she was like my sister when she worked here we even got tattoos together. Why do you ask?"

Ziva nodded. "I am worried that this case may bring more things up for Tony than he can handle. He still has not really gotten over his grandmother and I do not know if the stress will be too much emotionally."

Abby sighed. " All we can do is let him know we are here for him and hope he will talk to us. We can't push him right now or he will shut down . How he felt about Kate was different than most women. They were like brother and sister but yet they worked together well. When he got the plague something changed between them. What is was I don't know but they were different. I think they would have had a better partnership if it had had a chance but that's something we won't ever know."

Ziva sighed. "I am sorry that Ari took her from you. I wish I had stopped him sooner than I did. She did not need to be taken that way because he was obsessed with Gibbs."


	21. Chapter 21

Ziva said "Tony, I know this case might be hard for you and I want you to know that I am here if you need to talk or anything."

Tony sighed. "I need to tell you about something but after work tonight, there was something that happened on my protection detail and I want you to know."

She said "All right, I will come over at the usual time and we can talk. I am just sorry that this case reminds you of Kate when I am sure you miss her a lot."

He nodded. "Yes I do. She was one of a few women who I ever saw go toe to toe with Gibbs and I think he respected her for that. It was probably why he hired her from the Secret Service and FBI."

Ziva listened. "She was in charge of protecting your president? She must have been very good at her job."

Tony nodded. "She was, we met her when a navy commander died on air force one. He was poisoned and for a while they thought the president was under threat. Turned out the poison was in his uniform."

"Kate and I at first were like brother and sister pretty much I would say. And then when I got the plague well she stayed with me pretty much the whole time and something changed. She was scared I would die I guess. So was I honestly but well here I am now." "Then came Ari again."

Ziva sighed. "I know. I wish I had stopped him sooner. He should not have taken her from you. Not when she was part of your family and needed here to help people."

Tony patted her arm. "This isn't on you, how could you have known then where things were going to go? You have had your own cross to bear with your family being Mossad Zi. That's enough."

Gibbs said "Dinozzo, I owe you a cowboy steak. My place and the usual time."

Tony said "On it boss."

He looked at Ziva. "Looks like I will have to call you later."

She nodded. "I'll be home, take some time with Gibbs. You need a little steak and beer and what is it, oh yes a campfire."

Gibbs smiled. "Very good Ziver. I could roast you some potatoes and vegetables if you want to join us."

She said "No this sounds like a how do you say it guy thing. Besides I do have laundry to do that I am behind on from when I was away recently and a few other things."

Tony said " So i just wonder if we can bring Angelique home finally this time. It would be justice for her family and maybe closure though parents never get over losing a child. Mine didn't."

Mcgee said "Wait a minute, you had a brother or sister?"

Tony replied" My mom was pregnant with a girl before me, carried her six and a half months. They named her Lily. So I did have a sister though I never knew her. I was the miracle child. She wanted to call me Maxwell. Dad won and got Anthony Junior."

Mcgee said "I don't think you ever told anybody here that."

Tony shrugged. " Maybe I need to tell people more about me instead of keeping it close to the vest all the time. I don't do it enough. I learned the wrong way that you didn't talk about your feelings for too many years."

Mcgee patted his shoulder. "It's ok. Senior probably wasn't sure how he was going to handle himself without your mom and then having you to raise. Yes he should have been there and been better. But I have no room to judge. I have the Admiral who thinks I should be teaching at MIT and not working for a federal law enforcement agency as a glorified computer geek."

Tony exhaled. "Fathers, we do have a pair. And you are way more than that Tim. Don't let him or anyone else tell him you aren't. You are a good crime scene investigator and agent. I know I have been here watching you. You have come a long way from the kid who was scared everytime Gibbs said boo in your direction."

Mcgee said "Now the boss is the kind of dad I wish I had."

Tony replied "Despite the headslaps and the sometimes growling I do too kid, but if you tell him I will deny I ever said anything."


	22. Chapter 22

Tony went to Gibbs house that night for cowboy steak at their usual time. He sat down on the familiar couch in front of the fire with a sigh and pulled his feet up slowly on it.

Gibbs said " Want a baked potato or pan fried ones?"

Tony replied "I feel like pan fried tonight. My dad always wants baked when we get rib eyes together so for us I like less formal."

Gibbs said "Good choice. I got some Caesar salad too,Fornell dropped that by the other day. Diane has him trying more green in his diet."

Tony chuckled. "I bet he will be making you pasta again in no time boss."

Gibbs laughed. " You may be right." "So how did you get sprung from protection detail and back to me again?"

Tony exhaled. "Well the witness basically crawled into my bed at the place where we were staying and I told her to get the hell out. Then I found a bite mark on my chest from her. I told the director and she agreed to take me off the detail and let me come back. She apologized and felt bad for causing me undue stress."

Gibbs said "You're telling me that a witness we were protecting basically assaulted you?"

Tony shrugged. "It's not a big deal."

Gibbs looked at him. "Yes it is, you have feelings and you did nothing wrong. "

Tony sighed. "I know , I just wanted to get back in the game again. Everybody is worried about me I know that but I need to work. It helps me heal."

Gibbs nodded. "Well then we will have some steak and move on. But you need to tell Ziva. She should know."

Tony said "I know and I plan on doing that very soon, I wanted you to know first other than the director since it was her assignment for me."

Gibbs replied "Ok and it goes no farther than me."

He started to grill their steaks on his fire.

Just then Tony's cell phone beeped. "Hey sweet cheeks."

Ziva said" I have not heard that in a while. I remember it from our first undercover assignment together."

He said "I felt nostalgic."

She said "All right my little hairy butt."

Tony laughed. "Will you meet me at my place and stay? I want to talk to you tonight. "

She replied "Yes I can be there, I know you have something on your mind."

He said " I do and I want to tell you face to face ."

She said "All right I will be there with Leroy. I found him a new rubber ball toy and I think he will enjoy it."

Tony said "I think you like spoiling my cat more than I do. You should have a pet in your life."

She said" Well maybe I will go by the animal shelter where Abby volunteers sometime soon and look at a kitten of my own." "I own my townhouse so I don't have to worry about rent rules."

He said "One good thing Eli did for you, gave you enough money to buy a home here."

She said "Yes he did and my own family here as well."

Later that evening: Tony got to his place and found Ziva waiting and Leroy chasing his new blue rubber ball toy around the living room. He smiled for a moment watching his cat play happily.

Then he said "Zi, the reason I got back early from the directors protection detail was because the witness climbed into my bed where we were staying one night." "I told her to get the hell out." He was quiet for a moment. "Then I found this on my chest."

He unbuttoned his shirt and showed her the bite mark. "The director saw it and I told Gibbs. He and the director know besides you but that's it." "Nobody else."

Ziva listened to him talk and then said "Are you telling me that someone you were assigned to protect not only crawled into your bed but physically assaulted you?"

Tony sighed. "Well I guess so yes."

Ziva said " That is wrong on so many levels. You agreed to this to get your head back in the game and this woman hurt you. What a bitch. Do not let me see her or meet her. I am glad the director listened and let you come back to the team though."

He said "So am i. I don't want anybody else to know though because I need to work to heal. Do you have my back on this?"

She said "You do not need to ask of course I do. I will not tell anyone and I am here for you if you need to talk about anything ."

Tony kissed her cheek. "Thank you my ninja. Right now I think I need some sleep the most."


	23. Chapter 23

Tony's apartment:

Ziva said " Would you like a backrub? I brought my coconut oil . I think it would help you sleep better."

He said" Sure that sounds nice."

She nodded. "Good, go lay down on your bed and take off your shirt for me."

He wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Why Ziva, you're getting demanding with me but I like it."

She said "Now there is the Tony I know, I have not seen him in a while."

Tony said " I guess I have been more serious lately."

She replied "You have been dealing with a lot of hard things recently. It is understandable that you would be serious."

He exhaled. "I'm just glad I'm done with that protection detail and back with the team."

Ziva felt Leroy rub against her ankle and reached down and petted him gently behind his ears. "Leroy you might make me a cat person yet."

Then Tony went and laid down on his bed. Leroy followed and hopped up beside his head.

Ziva smiled. "Now that your guard kitty is here, I can rub your back ."

She got on to the bed and straddled where his waist was and began to gently rub the area below his neck with some of her massage oil that she warmed in her hands.

"Would you consider some vacation time?"

He said "I could I guess."

She nodded. "Even if you want to go visit your father for a while that would be good."

Tony said "I can only handle Senior for small amounts of time, it wouldn't be a relaxing vacation for me."

She was quiet and worked on a knot gently below his right shoulder.

"You know he asked me and well the team to be here and help you after your grandmother. He knew you would be hurting for a while and might need our shoulders when you were ready to reach out."

Tony sighed. "I know that he cares."

She said "I am sorry, I should not have brought it up. I did not mean to upset you."

He said "Zi, you didn't . I am trying but I can't be all in with him overnight. I had too much time dealing with things on my own and then for years some of my own family lied about my mother to me. My grandmother was the one who told me the truth instead of letting me believe that my mother just decided to go out on a bender with red wine and pills and didn't care if I found her. News flash I did."

"And yes that is something I will always carry with me. Even if she was sick and had borrowed time she still fucking ripped me off." His eyes filled and he wiped them with his hand quickly.

Ziva stopped the back rub and hugged him and played with his hair gently. "Come here. It's ok to cry Tony."

He inhaled. " How did I find you my sweet Israeli, you're more than I deserve."

She said "That is not true. You are a good man who cares about people. You just needed the right person to help you allow that side of you to come out. It is not wrong to feel and hurt. You told me that when Eli died, do you remember?"

He smiled a little. "You mean I said something that made sense? Wow, go figure."

Ziva said "Do not make me feel tempted to Gibbs slap you."

He replied "Nobody does that but him." He laughed a little though.


	24. Chapter 24

"You know Zi, someone in my family told me the reason my mother ended her life was because she was tired of living with me as her son. Which of course was and is a lie but for a lot of years I had no contact with anyone on her side of the family because of it."

She blinked. " I cannot believe anyone would do that to an eight year old boy. You had just lost your mother and you were in shock and someone was so mean."

He said "Kids can be cruel sometimes. My cousin Violet thought she was cute at 12. I don't care when my grandfather Spinelli died he left me her share of his vineyard in California. Still makes me money today. If I wanted to I could quit NCIS but I like the job and plus the money has to be hidden from Senior that was the rule before I got it."

Ziva said "So you can really afford Armani and Zegna suits when you have worn them to work before?"

He shrugged. "Yes I can. I have been more casual lately though in how I dress around the office."

He said "Also have a little place in St. Croix. Might be my retirement home one day. Nobody knows this about me though."

She nodded. "I will not tell anyone. Was your background true about going to boarding school though?"

He said "Yes it was. That was supposed to make a man out of me but it cost my relationship with my father instead."

Ziva held his hand. "I wish it were different for you."

He shrugged. "I found Gibbs and he is all the father figure I need in my life. I will try with Senior but I have learned not to expect a lot there with him."

She nodded. "I understand. I too had a complicated father. He and his life choices cost me a lot of things. I should not have been placed in the position where I had to kill Ari but there was no other option at the time." She swallowed for a moment.

"I did not do it just to earn Gibbs' trust like everybody thinks. I asked for someone to remove him from home and nobody would do it. So that left me in charge of his mess that he made by killing Kaitlin Todd."

"I do not mean that she should have died at all, she should not have. I just mean that Ari should have been neutralized by Mossad before it came to that place and that rooftop."

Tony looked at her. "So you're saying what exactly, because Mossad's guard dog handlers dropped the ball and didn't take Ari out , Kate died needlessly?" He moved away from her a little.

She said "I was afraid of this. I did not want to upset you, I should not have talked about it right now. You are vulnerable enough."

Tony inhaled slowly. "And when in the hell did you think would ever be a good time to bring this up with me? Kate was my partner. She stuck by me when I had the plague and could have died Ziva. Please do me a favor and leave right now. I need some time to think."

He turned away from her and poured some Jack Daniels into one of his glasses and swallowed it slowly. " I asked you to go Ms. David."

She reached for his arm. "Tony I am very sorry. Please do not hate me ."

He said "I want some space, give that to me and I don't care if you tell Gibbs but I don't need rescuing right now ok? I need to process what you just dumped in my lap."

Her boots clicked out the door with a low sound and then it closed softly.

" Don't hate her." He muttered. "One more reason for me to not like Israelis very much. "

He swallowed more whiskey and then went back to his bedroom slowly. "Come on Leroy. I'm going to turn in early tonight. Not very good company anyway."

Tony curled up in his bed and put his Ipod in his ears. Aerosmiths Greatest Hits.

"Everytime that I look in the mirror , all these lines on my face getting clearer, the time has come. Everybodys got their dues in life to pay."—Dream On Aerosmith

He hoped that his cell phone would not ring with a case because he was in no shape to work right now. He needed to just be alone. Why did Ziva think it wouldn't matter about Kate. Yeah Ari was dead too but he was a terrorist. Kate had been a federal agent who just wanted to help people and learn how to be better at NCIS. Nothing more. Nothing less. He had done it again, let a woman in and gotten burned.


	25. Chapter 25

There was a knock at Tony's door an hour or so later.

He opened it to find Gibbs standing there. "So do you want to tell me why Ziva handed in her resignation to me in my basement an hour ago and said she was going back to Tel Aviv?"

Tony replied " Well because she told me that Ari was supposed to be "handled" by Mossad before Kate was killed and they dropped the ball and let him alone."

"So that was why she took him out, with the added bonus of winning your trust and saving your life. She had to do "damage control" because they dropped the ball in a huge way and Kate was a casualty."

"Sorry if it pisses me off. I told her I needed space, I didn't tell her to quit over it and ok I bent rule 12. Want to headslap me now or later?"

Gibbs stood there and looked at him. "Aww hell Dinozzo no I don't want to headslap you. I didn't know any of this either." "I don't need to know what happened about Rule 12 , what I do need to know is will you be ok?"

Tony sighed " Eventually. Might need a day or two and then I'll get back to you on that."

Gibbs nodded. "You took the bare minimum of time after your grandmother so I will handle a few days of personal leave. Don't worry about the director or your desk. We can pull Dorneget or another agent from Balboa's team if anything gets hot while you're off."

Tony said "Do you want me to tell the others?"

Gibbs said "No, I will deal with that after I am sure Ziva really wants to go back to Mossad again. It didn't work so well the last time she went back to Director David after all."

Tony sighed. "This feels like it's my fault. But I feel what I feel about Kate and that's not something I can change. I was standing there beside her with her blood on my face. That is something that will always stay with me no matter how much time passes . That and the fact that she stayed when I was sick , I may have been a pain in the ass to her at times but she put that aside for me when I was alone and hurting. That's more than a friend and partner boss, that was a sister."

Gibbs patted his shoulder. "You just take the time to get your head clear and then we will figure out where to go all right? It is still my team after all. "

Tony exhaled. " Will do boss thanks."


	26. Chapter 26

Tony sighed. " No Director I don't know why Ziva resigned sir, I already told Agent Gibbs this when he asked me. It may have had something to do with Kate. I couldn't get past some new intel she told me about her and that upset her. If she goes back to Director David and being a Mossad hunting dog again that is my fault.

Gibbs nodded. "Ok, He has answered enough Leon, leave it alone for now."

Later that night there was a knock at Gibbs door. Tony walked in dressed in jeans and a faded T-shirt with The Police on it.

"I can't sleep and I didn't want dinner with Abby and Ducky tonight for a pity meal.

Gibbs opened a beer and placed it in front of Tony. " That might help you sleep. I'm thinking cowboy steak and mashed potatoes tonight."

Tony nodded. "Sounds good boss, with green beans?"  
>Gibbs smiled a little. "Just the way you like it Dinozzo, even got those cheese biscuit things to thaw and serve."<p>

Tony smiled. "Watch it boss or you might spoil me enough to move in here."

Gibbs gently cuffed him on the back of the head. " Doubt my roof would still be on the place if we lived together and worked together."

Tony said "Yeah there is that. Sometimes I just get lonely that's all."

Gibbs nodded. "We all get our heart stepped on from time to time Dinozzo, it's how we move forward after that matters most."

Tony sighed. "Thanks boss but this one is going to take a while and maybe some rocky road ice cream to make it all better."


End file.
